A Bump in the Road

I've been doing pretty good these past 9 weeks. I've been proud of myself and amazed at how well my body is rebounding after 9 months of carrying a baby. Every few days I jump on the scale and am even more impressed with how the weight is shedding off. I've been eating healthy, walking everyday, and in my opinion doing everything right.

However, as a new mom we are always told to "Take it easy" which honestly I haven't. In fact over this past week I've felt like super mom getting things done, keeping a happy baby, and still getting some time in for me. But My energy was silently teetering, and a visit to my grandmothers made it crumble.

I love my grandmother. I remember as a little girl calling her almost daily and talking with her. I'd say I probably have talked with her at least weekly with the exception of the past 2 - 3 months. I've always been able to rely on her. She is a Tell-it-like-it-is sort of woman. When I watch "Everybody loves Raymond" Marie reminds me of my grandmother. She can insult you with love. I go there ready to ignore and protect myself from the occasional off hand remark.

As a side note - 2 things that should never be talked about around a new mom is her post partum body, and how she should raise her child.

She went on for about 45 minutes telling me how I looked frumpy and she was worried about me. That the last time she saw me ( I was only 1 week post partum) I seemed to have awful sticky stuff all through my hair and I ought not go in public looking like that.

-No doubt it was my hair slightly more greasy from all the hormonal changes and hot flash sweats I had been getting. If that weren't enough she threw in a few how I should be raising my son comment to boot.

the sad part is, although I only have about 3 outfits that fit me comfortably right now, Its not worth buying anything new when the weight is falling off me, I picked out the one I felt best in, the one I felt good in, she picked it to pieces.

It's ridiculous, but her words from yesterday keep coming through my head and it's chipping at my confidence each time it does and it's hard to control and quiet the thoughts.

I only remember 1 other time I felt self conscious about my body image and that was when I was 12, I was teased about my hair as it was growing out from a horrible short hair perm my grandmother had done to my hair. It took years to grow out as my hair was fried.I never wanted the perm, but you don't say no to grandma.

I came home in tears about the teasing and my mom took me out and got me some barettes and head bands to hold back my unruly bangs, and I made sure to comb it out frequently.

Since I was 12 I have been proud of my body. I have NEVER let anyone take me down about how I look. I have been proud of how strong it is, I've been told so often that people love my smile. I've been proud that I have been on a long portage through Algonquin, that I can lift things that most women can't -I have more endurance than most ,that I can walk everywhere ,that I carried a baby, I loved my pregnant body.That I pushed my baby out and that I am able to nurse him.

So now you have this woman who has been confident about her body for nearly 15 years have done some amazing things with it and now suddenly can cry every time those words go through her head - just like that 12 year old girl 15 years ago who got teased and bullied about her hair.

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But it's words that hurt the worst.


~Becca~ said...

I'm feeling lots better now... But wow did that hurt deep.

Amy said...

I hope you feel better soon :)

Ladybug said...

that sucks. :-(

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