The Apple

They say you are what you eat... if that's the case Aedan is a mix of cherrios, grapes, chicken nuggets,goldfish crackers, cheese, yogurt rice and apples.... these are staples in our house and his favorite foods and at least 3 of them make it into his diet daily.

Ever since Aedan started solids, he has always had a bit of a strong gag reflex, and as much as he loves apples, their texture, and especially the skin is hard for him to swallow. I've watched him eat apples with skin and keep making coughing noises as he is irritated by the rough skin... but he loves them so much, he will eat them with those tears you get in your eyes when you feel that sharp irritation in your throat.

I've made a point over the last many months to cut his apples into "apple fries" where I cut away the skin and then cut it into long skinny sticks resembling french fries and he'd eat those down without too much irritation.

Well today Aedan asked for apple and as i pulled it out of the fridge, and grabbed a knife he started to howl as if I were to murder someone.... he immediately fell to the floor pleading me to leave the apple "Big ball stay"

I didn't understand him at first, his words sounded garbled especially through the loud dramatic crying, and I hadn't heard these words in combination before.

It took him to yell at me " No knife, no cut" "Big Apple - Big Boy Aedan"

This is a big deal - my boy will be 2 years old next Sunday. He has still been referring to himself as "Baby Aedan" This is the beginnings of him shedding his own identity as a baby, and becoming a "big boy".

So I sat him down in the highchair, he held his apple, inspected its roundness, commented that it was red, he even smelled it and commented "Mmmmmmmm!"

It took him nearly 5 minutes to take the first bite out of it with his teeth and mouth slipping over the peel and the firm round apple- he was determined. But once he got that first bite, all the others came slowly but easily after.

He sat happily intently gnawing on his big apple for near an hour and almost finished it completely.

My baby is asserting himself as a big boy more and more everyday... I guess it will be only a matter of time before he won't let me call him "my baby".

One of those moments

Aedan didn't stay down for his nap very long today He's still trying to cut through those eye teeth and is very uncomfortable... He also was up too early... so he is running on very little sleep. We have news his friend we visited the other day has the flu or food poisoning - so we could be in line for that too... I hope not.

He's also growing rapidly right now and this is causing him intense leg and foot cramps. I've had to rub down his legs a couple times a day to relieve him of cramps. Some call it the terrible twos I guess.

Pain + no sleep = monster baby.

Its been a tough day tantrum on tantrum crying over everything... and clumsiness that isn't like him so he kept bumping into stuff, and that would just cause him to melt down.

Screaming, whining , crying and sobbing ALL.DAY.

2 words to describe Aedan today

Fragile and Explosive.

Its been so intense there were moments I thought I would cry too... But I wouldn't let myself. I had to keep strong.

Bath time though, is always a release for him. Something about water just calms him right down. Of course bath time was almost an hour early with a day like today... and he didn't quite feel ready to sleep, even though I let him stay in about 30 minutes longer than usual. he was all wrinkled and pruney when I pulled him out of the tub.

I swaddled him in a towel and he melted into me for one of the biggest hugs he's ever given me... he said "love mommy, cuddle mommy"

I needed that.

I couldn't put him to bed right away.

I took my baby all snuggled in a warm towel downstairs. I put on the TV in a dark living room and lay on the couch together we watched "In The Night Garden" He snuggled down onto me, put his head on my chest and I know he was trying to listen to my heartbeat. His body was comfortable, and he was relaxed and happy. That's all I wanted for him all day.

We both fell asleep and I woke up when the show finished.

I carried him upstairs, dressed and diapered him while he was passed out solid - and after some crazy moments today where I just wanted to lock him in another room and plug my ears, at this moment while he was peaceful and warm, happy and quiet, it was hard to leave him.

It's in these moments I feel how in love I really am. I controlled myself earlier in the day... but I couldn't help but weep tears for all the love I have for my boy.